Why men pull away after getting close

Why Men Pull Away After Getting Close

Editorial Staff Male behaviors Comments

Have you ever wondered why men can seem really interested in you and then all of the sudden it’s like a switch have turned off their emotions and they start to pull away?

Keep reading to find out!

I will give you three scenarios as to why men pull away, as well as practical solutions for how to deal with each scenario.

Before we jump to conclusions, do yourself a favor and ask yourself:

Can it be that I’m overreacting just a little bit?

If it’s only been a couple of days and you feel as though something seems off, make sure you don’t wind yourself up and make it into something bigger than it actually is.

Overreacting will only lead to more confusion and it may just damage the chemistry you two have built up.

And you never know, It might just be that he needs a breather from the intensity of his emotions…and that is ok!

Don’t take it personally.

Instead, show him what an awesome mind reader you are and give him the space that he obviously needs.

Let him seek you out when he feels ready.

And now that when we covered this, let’s dig a bit deeper at 3 different scenarios to find out what’s actually going on in his head.

He is afraid of losing his freedom

As a single man, he can do what he wants, when he wants, without having to think about someone else and let’s be honest, this freedom will be interrupted by a committed relationship.

And as you two get closer and closer, he finds himself realizing what a committed relationship actually means.

So suddenly, he starts to pull away because he is worried about losing his freedom…

What does this mean for you?

Is it game over? Have you wasted your time on the wrong man?

A man who is obsessed with his own freedom?

The solution to this scenario depends on how much he likes or loves you, and how important his freedom is to him.

If you know that he values his freedom very highly, like one of the top 3 things in his life. It’s probably for the best that you do not waste anymore of your time on him.

Do yourself a favor and look for a better match.

On the other hand, if he only seems a bit worried about the sudden change and you know he not only likes you but loves you, then you might have something to work with here.

But be careful not to make this critical mistake of confronting him about his feelings, by asking questions like.

Don’t you love me?

Are you unsure about us?

Is something wrong?…

These types of questions are pressuring because they force him to start analyzing his feelings and come up with a quick answer. This is of course not easy for him since he is experiencing an internal emotional conflict.
If anything, these types of questions will make him even more unsure than he was before you asked.

So, here’s what you should do instead…

When you feel that he is experiencing the uncertainty of where things might be heading, you want to remind him that there is a greater uncertainty for him to worry about…and that is losing you!

This can feel a bit counterintuitive because you might be thinking,” I’m not going anywhere, this guy is GREAT!”

And while it is amazing when you feel this way, don’t let him know about it, because then you’re not giving him anything to fight for.

Because when he hasn’t gotten your complete attention and validation as a man, he’s still got something to chase and work towards.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…men love to chase!

So give him a reason to work for your validation and approval, and make sure you spoon-feed it to him – never ever give it all away at once!


Things are moving too fast

Another common reason why men pull away is that things are moving too fast. Which affects our coping ability.

And don’t get fooled but by thinking, as long he is the one choosing the phase it’s okay!

This is a critical mistake that many women do and I will explain why.

When we’re seeing someone, our brain releases a lot of dopamine which is a chemical that makes us feel good. This makes us want to see that person we are dating more and more.

And with all this dopamine getting released, it’s highly likely he will want to be with you all the time if you are a good match.

This all sounds great, and you’re thinking, “Well I don’t mind, I like spending all my time with him too, I don’t see the problem”

But as you spend more time together and things get more and more intense, your emotions start to evolve at the same intense speed.

This is where it gets problematic…

In our brains, we have something that is called the limbic system. This area is, among other things, responsible for how well we cope with our emotions.

So this area helps us stay in touch with our feelings and be able to express them to others, which promotes bonding.

Here is what’s interesting about this.

Women tend to have a larger deep limbic system than men do.

And this explains why men sometimes can seem less in touch with their emotions, compared to women.

So now you know, there is actually a scientific explanation for this!

So when things quickly get emotionally intense, he can feel uncomfortable if he doesn’t get enough time to process his emotions.

So, if you’re faced with this problem, here is what to do…

Push the breaks before he does!

If things are moving quickly, make sure you slow down the phase to avoid him reaching a state of where his emotions become too intense for his coping ability.

Take some time to cool down, and see how things progress slowly.

Perhaps he feels that you’re not the one

There are many reasons for this but the only thing that matters here is that you don’t blame yourself!

Instead, ask yourself:

Did I behave in such a way that might have put him off?

Don’t spend more than 5 minutes on this. If you can’t come up with something concrete then it’s out of your control and you shouldn’t waste any more time on it.

If you’re unsure as to what he feels and don’t want to ask, it might be good to read our post on alarming signs he will never come back.

If you realize however that you might have done something that could have been done in a smoother way, take notice of this so that you can learn and grow from it in the future.

You can also read our post on 6 common reasons why they come back to know if you recognize any of them.

We are never perfect, but we can always give ourselves the opportunity to grow to our full potential.

So, if he decides that you are perhaps not ‘the one’, don’t feel bad. There are so many reasons why two people are not a match.

It’s important to remember that because when we do find the right one, it’s because they fall for who we really are and not for who they want us to be.

If you’re experiencing any other of these scenarios that I’ve mentioned in this article, and you would like some help with any difficulties you may be facing, let me know in the comments below.