Why do I keep dreaming about my ex

Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex?

Grace Being Dreams, Missing someone Comments

Besides waking up confused, tired, and agitated. Does dreaming about an ex have any deeper underlying meanings?

In some cases, yes!


Dreams can also be meaningless. 

Why do I keep dreaming about my ex

In this article, we help you answer the question ‘why do I keep dreaming about my ex?’ 

Let’s explore the list of different possibilities.

Possible reasons why you dream of your ex

Dreams can feel very real and vivid, and they might end up affecting your sleep quality. Especially if they leave you feeling emotionally confused. Understanding why you keep dreaming about your ex every night can help you resolve the problem. 

Otherwise, you might stay stuck in a kind of loop where your ex keeps appearing in your dreams and disrupting your sleep. We understand that this could be quite unpleasant so we’ll go ahead with the possible reasons why you keep dreaming of your ex to help you get past it. 

Unresolved Emotions About Your Ex

One of the most common explanations of why you keep dreaming about your ex every night is that you still have some feelings for them. If the breakup is fresh, it’s common to still have feelings for your ex. When you break up with someone, it takes time to readjust yourself to your new reality and adapt to a new routine.

Keep your mind that this is temporary and it won’t last forever. Focus on yourself during the day and fill your day with things that you enjoy doing. Having something to look forward to can help you uplift your mood and feel good about yourself. 

Listing down your feelings in a journal is also a good technique to let go of your emotions so you can gradually detach from your ex. Learn more on how to get over a breakup, so you can move forward with your life.

When you keep having recurring dreams about your ex 

If you keep having recurring dreams, it’s usually because your subconscious mind is trying to tell you something, and manifests in your dreams. But you should not start worrying too much. Dreaming about an ex-partner is quite common. 

Of course, an ex is an ex for a reason and you want to put him or her in your past. If your ex keeps appearing in your dreams, you’re still putting them in your present and this is quite unhealthy and inhibits you from moving on completely.

It’s a good exercise to sit quietly and reflect on your emotions. Think whether you still have something which you are holding on to that is triggering these dreams of your ex every night. Becoming aware of repressed feelings can help you bring them to your conscious mind so you can release them and let them go. 

Past trauma related to abusive relationships

If you have been in an abusive relationship, you may be suffering from trauma due to abusive behavior and unhealed emotional wounds. Dreaming of your ex may be a way of unhealed wounds and painful emotions manifesting in your dreams.

If left untreated, these stressful emotions and traumatic experiences end up impacting your health and general wellbeing, partly due to disrupting your resting hours during your sleep.

Seeking professional support and surrounding yourself with people who lift you is important during this time. Abusive partners, like narcissistic people, tend to try to lure you back in when they sense that you are moving forward with your life.

At this point, the no contact rule is the number one rule to avoid falling back into their charm. Otherwise, you end up having to start from scratch when they feel that it’s time to discard you again!

Recently Bumping Into Your Ex

Dreaming about someone we have seen recently is normal. Whether it’s an old friend from school, a family member, or even an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s a way of mixing our waking reality with our dreams.

Sometimes, scrolling through social media and accidentally coming across your ex’s profile is enough to end up having your ex appear in your dreams. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you want them back, so don’t panic! Studies have shown that events and experiences that we had during our waking state can incorporate themselves into our dreams between one to seven days after they happened.

Craving Closure

Repeatedly dreaming about your ex every night could be a great indication that you are craving some kind of closure. If the relationship breakup is recent, you might be feeling that you need to explain certain things or communicate emotions that you didn’t have the chance to express.

This feeling of unfinished business can haunt you and result in your ex appearing in your dreams. That is just your subconscious mind trying to cultivate the feeling you are craving in your waking state. Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t get the opportunity to end things the ideal way. This might make it even more difficult for you to move on with your life.

If your ex is not allowing you to get the closure you need, accepting reality for what it is can help you give that closure to yourself. As you make peace with the fact that you won’t be getting any closure, it’s a kind of closure in itself which you will find relieving and liberating. Don’t be too hard on yourself as it takes time to get over someone and every one is unique. Therefore focus on yourself to help yourself move forward with your life and find inner peace.

6 Different Dream Scenarios

If you keep having dreams about your ex every night, there could be several interpretations. One of the most important factors of the interpretation of the dream is the kind of scenario you are finding yourself in during the dream.

Do you always feel the same way in the dream about your ex?

Do you find yourself in the same situation, having the same dream?

How are you communicating with your ex in your dreams?

Are you fighting or do you dream of you and your ex getting back together?

Let’s explore the below different situations to see what the dreams of your ex could mean.

1. An ex from years ago

If an ex from years ago appears in your dreams it can be nostalgic. If you were dreaming of your ex during your younger years, or perhaps your first love, it could be that you were feeling nostalgic that day or that week.

There might have been something that triggered it. It could be that you went to a particular place, or heard a song, or smelt a particular smell associated with your ex. Our senses can trigger memories stored in our brain even from ages ago. 

Alternatively, your mind might be manifesting the way you’re feeling in your dreams about your ex to bring to your attention an issue that you might need to address. 

For example, you might be having dreams that you are back with your ex and feeling trapped in the relationship. 

So even though you might be craving to get back with your ex, your subconscious mind is trying to communicate with you how you feel when you get involved with that particular person.

If your first love resulted in a good relationship, and perhaps you found yourself in a turbulent relationship, it might be that you are craving that pure love and passion you had in your first relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to get back together, but you might be missing the feelings you had present during that past relationship.

2. Your most recent ex

This is one of the most common reasons why your ex keeps appearing in your dreams every night. You might be working hard to move forward with your life, yet you might wonder why you keep dreaming of your ex.

If you recently broke up, it might be an indication of unresolved feelings about your ex-partner. Perhaps you feel that you didn’t get proper closure and ended things in a way that makes you feel that you have unfinished business. So your mind starts creating different scenarios when you are sleeping to create the emotion that you would like to have in reality.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, give yourself some time, and be patient with yourself. Keep moving forward and try not to stay looking at photos of your memories together. 

The more you think about your ex, the harder it will be for you to move on. So how can you stop thinking about your ex? Distract yourself and fill your day with things that you enjoy doing. When you catch yourself thinking about your ex, get busy! It will fade out with time.

3. Getting back together

If you keep having recurring dreams of you and your ex getting back together, think about how you feel in the dream. Do you feel happy that you are back together? Or do you feel anxious and scared?

Reflecting on how you feel during the dream sheds light on unresolved feelings which you might have that keep showing up in your dreams. When you go through a breakup, it’s quite similar to the process of grieving. 

Psychologically you go through a process that gradually helps you make peace with reality and accept your current circumstances. Learn more about the 7 stages of breakup grief to free yourself from these feelings and move forward with your life. Getting past the stages of grieving will help you stop dreaming about your ex every night!

4. Are you or your ex apologizing in the dream?

This might be a way of your subconscious mind creating a scenario where you communicate your regret about something which you might have said or done.

Alternatively, it can be a way of your brain conjuring up a scene of what you wish your ex would say to you.

It’s important to remind yourself that you cannot control what other people say or do. As you let go of the need to control external situations, it will be easier to move forward with your life and make peace with your reality.

Moreover, if you might regret some things which you have said or done, practice forgiveness with yourself and learn from your own mistakes. Be compassionate with yourself and remind yourself that no one is perfect. Most importantly is that we learn from our mistakes and behave differently in similar scenarios.

5. Sex dreams about your ex?

Having sexual dreams about your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is quite common. This might show up in your dreams as you might be missing some passion in your life and your mind brings some memories back to your reality.

Keep in mind that dreams however are just dreams and therefore are not real! So don’t get carried away and text your ex the following morning.

Spend some time reflecting on whether you want to reconnect with your ex. Make a list of the pros and cons of being with your ex to help yourself get a clearer picture, and to remind yourself why you broke up.

It might be that you just need to spice up your life and reconnect with someone new. Remember that if you broke up, you probably had a good reason to, so keep looking forward and stay strong! Don’t give in to your temptations so easily as they might cost you.

If you have an urge to hook up with your ex. Make you’re aware of what makes having sex with an ex a bad idea.

6. Your ex is hooking up with someone else

This kind of dream is mainly a result of two possibilities. Either you have recently found out that your ex has a new girlfriend or boyfriend. So your mind is coming to terms with the fact that you guys are no longer together, meaning it’s time to move on!

Or, it might be a result of fear. If you are scared that your ex will find a new partner, it means that you still haven’t been able to let go and accept the end of your relationship. 

That’s a big WARNING right there, which means you need to focus on healing and letting go. Otherwise, you will just make it harder on yourself to make peace with reality and drag on the heartbreak from the breakup.

Does dreaming of an ex have a spiritual meaning?

If your ex keeps appearing in your dreams, it could be a spiritual meaning from your higher self. Dreaming about your ex could be a mere reflection of your inner being. 

You might have insecurities and emotional pain in your psyche that need emotional healing. Having dreams of your ex every night may also mean that you have unfulfilled desires and unresolved conflicts. There can be several spiritual meanings if an ex keeps appearing in your dreams.

We have listed the below possible spiritual meanings of dreaming about your ex:

Having an unfulfilled need in your life – dreaming of your ex could be a message from your higher self to attend to your needs.

Having a feeling of lack – this could be your mind’s way of processing your feeling of lack that results from a failed relationship. 

Unfulfillment in the financial, social, or other areas of your life – having a general lack of finances, social friends, or other areas in your life can manifest as your ex appearing in your dreams. Your ex represents a feeling of lack so if your ex keeps appearing in your dreams, he might just be a symbol.

Going back to old habits – your higher self might be trying to send you a message that you are reverting to old habits. Your ex appearing in your dreams every night could represent the old habits. So the spiritual meaning behind it is a WARNING!

Representing an issue in a present relationship – if your ex keeps appearing in your dreams, it could be your higher self sending you a spiritual message. Your higher self is drawing your attention to a present issue in your current relationship. 

Dreams are manifestations of our own unresolved subconscious needs and desires. It’s our mind’s way of processing information and emotions that we have in our conscious and subconscious mind. 

So the fact that your ex appears in your dreams could have a spiritual meaning as your higher self is trying to remind you to resolve the unresolved issues and learn the deeper lessons that will help you thrive in your life.

What does it mean when you dream about your ex?

It’s good to spend some time reflecting on why you keep having recurring dreams of your ex. Writing down your thoughts is a powerful way to process your emotions. It helps create moments of realization. 

Some questions to ask yourself could be:

  • what your dreams mean to you
  • the kind of dreams that you are having
  • what you are feeling in the dream
  • how your relationship ended
  • when your relationship ended

Journaling can help you put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Also, read our post on when you dream about someone are they thinking of you to understand more.

How to move forward and stop dreaming about my ex?

As you can see, there are several reasons why you might be dreaming about your ex every night. In certain situations, it can be meaningless and will just go away on its own. However, in other situations, it can be rather tricky and an indication that you need to work on yourself to move forward from a breakup.

If you want to move forward and stop dreaming about your ex, the best thing you can do is focus on healing yourself and building a life that you love. Most often we end up losing ourselves in a relationship as we get too enmeshed. This means that we lose our identity and end up seeing ourselves, and validating ourselves through our partner.

Spend time reconnecting with yourself again. Discover what you like and what you don’t like. Focus on positive qualities that you have or try to learn a new skill. Engage yourself in a hobby or find a new passion. Make new friends and surround yourself with positive people that brighten up your day.

Becoming happier on your own will help you feel satisfied and fulfilled, and this will naturally dissolve the need to reconcile with your ex, and dream about them!